Re: REF: Positive Book Titles

["Penelope S. Cunningham" <pscunnin@MAILBOX.SYR.EDU>]

There seems to be some confusion about codependency in the discussion of
the two books. There is a difference between codependency and
unconditional love, although codependency often masquerades as
unconditional love. The difference is that codependent "caring" is done
to make the giver feel good about himself/herself, while those capable of
unconditional love feel complete in themselves and are therefore more
able to hear the true needs and desires of those to whom they give, which
sometimes means not giving rather than destroying someone's dignity.

In the same way that few people think they are prejudiced, because their
prejudice is cloaked in what are to them reasoned arguments, it is very
difficult for people to identify their own codepencence. It is important
to realize that few people operate completely out of one or the other
forms of giving, and certainly the world would not be a better place if
everyone stopped trying to be generous and loving out of fear of being
codependent. Also, the issue is not new, only the name. St. Vincent
dePaul, who founded one of the first religious orders of women dedicated
to helping the poor rather than living cloistered lives of prayer, said,
"It is only for your love that the poor will forgive you the bread you
give them."

Whether the tree is codependent or acting out of unconditional love
depends on your perspective. If you see the cutting down of the tree as
its destruction, it is codependent, because it has destroyed itself for
the boy. However, if you see providing wood for the creation of boats,
houses, etc., as a natural function of the tree, in which it remains
itself and fulfilled, then it is unconditional love.

In any case, I think the books is good. One of the characteristics of a
good book is that it presents a slice of life in such a way that it
raises questions withotg necessarily resolving them. The lively
discussion on this list is a sign that the book has done just that.

Sister Penny Cunningham  pscunnin@mailbox.syr.edu
St. Mary-Basha Catholic School
Chandler, Arizona

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