Gen: English humor

[Marian Colclasure <mcol@RPS.NWSC.K12.AR.US>]

Found this on the Net (submitted by Mark Mostert), and thought it might
be of interest.

 Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the
 European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of
 improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

 European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
 unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through
 and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes
 to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
 administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
 nations.

 In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
 instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
 resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
 sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
 konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be
 made with one less letter.

 There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
 announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
 This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.

 In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
 expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
 possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters
 which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

 We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
 disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
 though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the
 skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing
 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v',
 vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o
 kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of
 kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

 Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
 riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
 evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt
 vud finali hav kum tru.

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    \:/ ____ \:/           "Just when I'm able to               {~._.~}
     @~/ oO \~@                make ends meet,                   ( Y )
    /_( \__/ )_\            Someone moves the ends!"           () ~|~ ()
       \__U_/                                                   (_)-(_)
               Marian S. Colclasure     mcol@rps.nwsc.k12.ar.us
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