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Thought you all might get a laff out of this.  Found it on the University of
SOuth Carolina College of Library and Information listserve which they run
to keep everyone posted on the latest news from the college.

For your amusement:

1.  Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2.  AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on.  The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag the mouse was packaged in.

3.  Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that
the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labelled the diskettes then rolled them into
the typewriter to type the labels.

4.  Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes.  A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with
Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5.  A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door.  The customer asked the tech to hold on,
and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to
close the door to his room.

6.  Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything.  After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the
monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7.  Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell
tech suggested he go to the  local Egghead.  "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends," the customer replied.  When told Egghead was a software store, the
man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8.  Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked.  He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing the

9.  A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid".  The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

10.  An exasperated caller to Dell computer tech support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on.  After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11.  Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work.  She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.  When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"


12.  True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller:  "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech Rep:  "Yes, it is.  How may I help you?"

Caller:  "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period.  How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep:  "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller:  "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep:  "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as a part of a promotional, at a trade show?  How did
you get this cup holder?  Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller:  "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional.  It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand
it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup
holder, and snapped it off the drive.
Margaret Hunt
Floyd  Graham Elementary Hephzibah, GA(15 mi. S of Augusta)
The home of 400+ PreK-2 Panthers

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