HUMOR: Vocabulary Update

[Alice Yucht <AliceInfo@AOL.COM>]

These just in from another cyber-connection --  in the spirit of
 Cereal Killer's Computer Industry Acronyms...

[author unknown]

Dilberted: To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. "I've been
dilberted again.  The old man revised the specs for the fourth time
this week."

Beepilepsy: The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when
their beepers go  off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical
spasms,
goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Link Rot: The process by which links on a web page became as
obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.

Chip Jewelry: A euphemism for old computers destined to be
scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that
Mac SE,
and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."

Crapplet: A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet.
"I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

Plug-and-Play: A new hire who doesn't need any training.
"The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."

CGI Joe: A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the
social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction
triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just
spent six
hours surfing   the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito
Syndrome."

Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating an online
service's rule of conduct."Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under
mouse
arrest."

Glazing: Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A
popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice
that half the room was glazing by the second session?"

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message
"404, URL Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't
be
located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."

Dead Tree Edition: The paper version of a publication
available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition
of the San Francisco
Chronicle..."

Egosurfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media, or
research papers looking for the mention of your name.

Graybar Land: The place you go while you're staring at a
computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray
bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like
hours, thanks
to that CAD rendering."

Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or
telecommute.

Squirt The Bird: To transmit a signal up to a satellite.
"Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

Cobweb Site: A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated
for a long time. A dead web page.

It's a Feature: From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a
feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you
wish to
gloss over.

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud
found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This
one has a bad case of keyboard plaque."

Alpha Geek: The most knowledgable, technically proficient
person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around
here."

Tourists: People who are taking training classes just to get
a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the
class; the
rest were tourists."

Blowing Your Buffer: Losing one's train of thought. Occurs
when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise
or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed.
"Damn, I just blew my buffer!"

Gray Matter: Older, experienced business people hired by
young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.

Bookmark: To take note of a person for future reference
(a metaphor borrowed from web browsers).
"I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."

Nyetscape: Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web
browser.