Library Rules from the Old Testament (Humor)

[Sue Miller <smiller@MAIL.DONEGAL.K12.PA.US>]

Folks,

I got this from a colleague and thought you all would enjoy it!
-Sue Miller
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>>LIBRARY PRINCIPLES FOR STUDENTS, from the Old Testament

>>>--by Jim Farrington, based on "Lamentations of the
>>>father" by Ian  Frazier
>>>
>>>Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the
>>>sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight
>>>you may eat, but not in the Library.
>>>
>>>Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers,
>>>you may eat, but not in the Library.
>>>
>>>Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you
>>>may eat, but not in the Library.
>>>
>>>Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and
>>>of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright
>>>color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the
>>>Library.
>>>
>>>Of the round pies of baked dough, topped variously and
>>>wondrously with goodness of the Earth, especially with
>>>extra garlic and double cheese, you may eat, but not in
>>>the Library, neither may you carry such therein.
>>>
>>>Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen
>>>after-meal treats you may eat, but not in the Library.
>>>
>>>Of the juices and other beverages, you may drink, but
>>>not in the Library, unless it is that drink of two parts
>>>hydrogen and one of oxygen and only then should the
>>>mixture be held in a container of the prescribed shape
>>>and nature that miraculously do not spill even when
>>>uprighted.
>>>
>>>Indeed, when you reach the place where the Library
>>>carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not
>>>eat, neither may you drink.
>>>
>>>Laws When at Table, in Carrel, or in Wingback
>>>---------------------------------------------
>>>
>>>And if you are seated in your comfy chair, keep your
>>>legs and feet below you as they were.  Neither raise up
>>>your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that
>>>is an abomination to me.  Yes, even though this might be
>>>something you would do in confines of your own domicile,
>>>your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy
>>>of rebuke.
>>>
>>>Draw not with your pens or pencils or other implements
>>>of writing upon the table or the books before you, even
>>>in pretend, for we do not do that; that is why.  Yours
>>>shall not be the last eyes to gaze understandably upon
>>>the words so written, and they should be as fresh for
>>>your followers as for you and your antecedents.
>>>
>>>On Vocal Discourse ------------------
>>>
>>>Do not speak loudly with thy neighbor or studymate
>>>within the Library;  for it is as if you scream all the
>>>time.  If you find a troubling idea foisted upon your
>>>eyes between the bindings of a book, your voice rises up
>>>even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with
>>>the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream
>>>not; only remonstrate gently with a knowing nod, that
>>>you may correct the fault of the author in your own
>>>essay.
>>>
>>>Likewise, if you find your mind wandering from the
>>>soulfulness of your studies, again I say, refrain from
>>>conversing with whoever be at hand so that others might
>>>not be so distracted.
>>>
>>>Play not the electronic gadgets fitted to your ears at
>>>such a volume as to cause others to march to your drum
>>>machine.
>>>
>>>Though the need will eventually arise that you must give
>>>in to your ignorance of a matter bibliographic and throw
>>>yourself prostrate to the all knowing ones behind the
>>>Great Oaken Desk in the Campbell Reference Center, wail
>>>not dispairingly nor gnash the teeth loudly, for the
>>>sound carries great and far in that part of the Library,
>>>and then many of your peers will know of your
>>>misfortune; behold, I whisper myself, yet do not die.
>>>
>>>Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
>>>--------------------------------------------
>>>
>>>Attempt not to repair broken word carriers with your own
>>>tape, for these are matters better left to our
>>>specialists.
>>>
>>>Forget not that to steal is one of the original sins,
>>>and you will be punished woefully, if not now then in
>>>the fullness of time.
>>>
>>>Although the Library's computers are capable of seeing
>>>many wondrous sites in the World, look not upon the
>>>lascivious or unscholarly among them, nor print endless
>>>reams of things of which those who pay your bills would
>>>not approve.
>>>
>>>(source:  posted on MLA-L by the author, music librarian
>>>at Wesleyan)
>
>

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