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I am known  throughout the state for my inability to tell a good joke. But
I can sure forward them!    Thanks for the responses to the ten words that
should be in our language.  Now for some really truly lawyer's
examination/cross examination q's.......

Subject: Lawyer humor.

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the
following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys
during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful

1.      “Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn’t know    about it until the next morning?

2.      “The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?”

3.      “Were you alone or by yourself?”

4.      “Were you present when your picture was taken?”

5.      “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”

6.      “Did he kill you?”

7.      “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

8.      “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

9.      “How many times have you committed suicide?”

10.     Q. “So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?”
        A. “Yes.”
        Q. “And what were you doing at that time?”

 11.    Q. “She had three children, right?”
        A. “Yes.”
        Q. “How many were boys?”
        A. “None.”
        Q. “Were there any girls?”

 12.    Q. “You say the stairs went down to the basement?”
        A. “Yes.”
        Q. “And these stairs, did they go up also?”

13.     Q. “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
             didn’t you?”
        A. “I went to Europe, Sir.”
        Q. “And you took your new wife?”

14.     Q. “How was your first marriage terminated?”
        A. “By death.”
        Q. “And by whose death was it terminated?”

15.     Q. “Can you describe the individual?”
        A. “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
        Q. “Was this a male, or a female?”

 16.    Q. “Is your appearance here this morning due to a deposition
             notice which I sent to your attorney?”
        A. “No, this is how I dress when I go to work.”

 17.    Q. “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
        A. “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”

 18.    Q. “All your responses must be oral, okay?  What school did you
              go to?”
        A. “Oral.”

 19.    Q. “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
        A. “The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.”
        Q. “And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?”
        A. “No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

 20.    Q. “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
        A. “I have been since early childhood.”

 21.    Q. “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
        A. “No.”
        Q. “Did you check for blood pressure?”
        A. “No.”
        Q. “Did you check for breathing?”
        A. “No.”
        Q. “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
             began the autopsy?”
        A. “No.”
        Q. “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
        A. “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
        Q. “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
        A. “It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

koontzs@horizon.hit.net  (home)
koontzs@usd286.hit.net  (school)
Sharon Koontz, K-12 LMS
U.S.D. 286
Sedan KS 67361
"Never judge a book by its movie."- J.W. Eagan

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