This Season & Organizational changes at the North Pole

["Karen A. Petty" <kpetty@ESD114.WEDNET.EDU>]

THIS SEASON

Mend a quarrel.
Seek out a forgotten friend.
Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.
Write a love letter.
Share some treasure.
Give a soft answer.
Encourage youth.
Manifest your loyalty in word and deed.
Keep a promise.
Fine the time.
Forgo a grudge.
Forgive an enemy.
Listen.
Apoligize if you were wrong.
Try to understand.
Examine your demands on others.
Think first of someone else.
Appreciate.
Be kind, be gentle.
Laugh a little.
Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude.
Say a prayer.
Welcome a stranger.
Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love.
Speak it again.
Speak it still once more.


HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL



ORGANIZATIONAL CHANGES AT THE NORTH POLE

TO:  Public release

RE: Organizational Changes at the North Pole

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the
early reeindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern
about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring
decisions at the North Pole.  Streamlining was necessary due to the North
Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business.  Home
shopping channels and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market
share.  He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit
picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late
model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip.  Improved productivity from
Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is
anticipated.  Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental
emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.  I am
pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be distrubed.  Tradition
still counts for something at the North Pole.  Management denies, in the
strongest possible lanuage, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that
way, not from the cold, but from substance abuse.  Calling Rudolph "a lush
who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an
unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of
context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North
Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps.  Effective
immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the
"Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be
the cash crop forecasted.  It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenance;

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective.  In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned.  The positions are therefore eliminated;

The three French hens will remain intact.  After all, everyone loves the
French;

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system,
with a call waiting option.  An analysis is underway to determine who the
birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors.  Diversification into other
precious metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks
appear to be in order;

The six geese-a-laying consitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
 It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per
day is an example of the decline in productivity.  Three geese will be let
go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure
management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one;

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative.  Mechanical swans are on order.  The
current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance their outplacement;

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC.  A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought.  The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no
upward mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a- mentoring or a-mulching;

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.  This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill.  The high cost of Lords plus the expense
of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen.  While leaping
ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we
expect an oversupply of unemployed congressment this year;

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
band getting too big.  A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on
new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down
to the bottle line;

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals,
and other expenses.  Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
deliveries over twelve days in inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one
day, service levels will be improved.  Regarding the lawsuit filed by the
attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession
("thirteen lawyers-a-suing) action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in
the future to stay competitive.  Should that happen, the Board will request
management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is
the right number.

Karen A. Petty
District Library Technician
North Kitsap School District #400
Poulsbo, WA 98370
kpetty@orca.esd114.wednet.edu

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