HUMOR: The Dangers of Statistical Research

[Alice Yucht <AliceInfo@AOL.COM>]

Authentic assessment, anyone?

Alice H. Yucht
Heritage Middle School, Livingston, NJ
Aliceinfo@aol.com
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(forwarded from another "professional" listserv):
>I've been doing a little research, and what I've discovered should make
>anyone think twice before eating that incredibly mind-boggling
>oh my god it's so dangerous food: Bread!
>1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
>2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
>score below average on standardized tests.
>3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
>average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
>unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as
>typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
>4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of
>eating bread.
>5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as
>little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse.  The average
>American eats more bread than that in one month!
>6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of
>radiation poisoning, skin cancer, food poisoning and octogenarians.
>7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
>given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.
>8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items
>such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
>9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than
>90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being
>taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey
>bread-pudding person.
>10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
>11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!  That
>kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
>12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
>significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

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