HIT: Dealing with a Death

[Josephine Dervan <rderva@injersey.com>]

Here is a hit of all the info I received about suggestions for ways that
our faculty could memorialize a deceased family member. Thanks to Diane
A., Gail, Richard, Nancy, Mary, Gerri, Diane S., and Karen. Incidentally
we decided to donate money to set up a scholarship fund for Boy Scouts
(the deceased was a Scout) to attend summer camp in Matt's name. Thanks
again and I hope some of you would find this information helpful in the
future.
***********************************


Last year a former student of ours and the child of one of our staff
members was killed by a drunk driver.  The students made a small
memorial
garden at a spot where the mother can see it.  Since then we (faculty
and
staff) have placed rose bushes there for every faculty and staff member
who
has lost a child.  Today, I picked a rose from the bush in memory of my
son
who died as a premature baby 15 years ago.  It is comforting to us to
have
this living memorial to our children.  Please express my sympathy to
your
co-worker.  The loss of a child is difficult to bear.
************************************

About 5 years ago February, we had a student die.  I can't spell the
disease, it was a type of meningitis, but Elizabeth went from being fine

to being dead in 24 hours.  We are a boarding school, so it hit the
community very hard, indeed.

Elizabeth was a great runner.  In May that year the school planted a
tree
and purchased a lovely bench and placed them both right near the finish
line of our track.  The bench faces the west and it really is a lovely
place to sit, especially at the end of the day, and watch the sun set.

Two years ago the parents of the class of '97 (which would have been her

class) paid for a pond (believe me, the parents at our school have far
more money than the faculty!!) to be dug on the campus and it was named
for Elizabeth.  A little brick patio was developed on the side of the
pond
and each brick had the name of each kid in Elizabeth's class.
Elizabeth's
name and her dates are in the center of the patio.  It is very nicely
landscaped and two more pretty benches were placed there.

Of course, a pond is over the top for most places, but the benches,
which
have plaques on them with Elizabeth's name, are used all the time.  I,
myself, think of her each day when I drive onto campus and pass the
pond.
I think for a memorial gift you can't do better than something which
everyone in the school can enjoy, but still brings a memory of the dear
one who has died.
**********************************

Unfortunately I have had that experience. 5 years ago our kindergarten
teacher's son, who had just graduated from UNH was killed. She was very,

very close to him, and it almost cost her her life too. She credits our
Principal for the fact that she is still alive.
   Doug was a superb athlete, and a scholar. We created the Doug Sargent

memorial award that is given out each year to the eight grader who is
the
top scholar/athlete. We have a track and field day in Doug's honor every

year, and so does Keene High. There is a plaque in the entrance way to
the
school that tells about Doug. I believe there is also a scholarship at
Keene High that is given to a Chesterfield student who is a
scholar/athlete.
   On the personal side, our Principal had to tell her, and he also gave

the eulogy at Doug's funeral. Doug lived in the International dorm at
UNH,
and his friends had come not only from UNH but from around the world for

his funeral. It was so heartbreaking. Marty, my principal, did
everything
he could for her, as she was in a terrible depression. When she came
back
to work she worked every other day. He let her take as much time off as
she
needed to. He also fought for her to be able to job share the next
year--and they still do. We also brought meals to her house, for a
while,
especially when she was desperately struggling with depression. A team
would sign up for dinner, and we would break it down to what each member

had to bring.
Your teacher is going to need all the support your staff can give
********************************

That's so sad.  This is the first year of our Dave Nenow Memorial Garden

and it was a wonderful idea.  A plot of land in back of the school is
being
used and many classrooms are growing things in their boxes.  (Shallow
wooden
trays filled with soil donated by our local Wal-Mart, among others).
Kindergarten through eighth grade are finding ways that their plot
supports
the curriculum.  And it's a cheerful, happy place to remember him by.
P.S.  It's been so successful that a tree, bench, and nature walk with
indigenous plants will be added next year, funded by donations.
If you get a lot of good responses, you might want to post a hit.  So
many
schools lose a loved member, the more ideas, the better.

*************************************************

Our school has had numerous gifts made to the library in memory of
students
that have passed away.  Usually, we are sent a check and asked to choose
an
appropriate book or  books to be bought as a memorial.  Sometimes we are

asked to buy something in a specific subject area--most times not.  Once
the
book is chosen (and unless otherwise requested, we choose from what is
on
our to be cataloged shelves), we send a thank you note that lets the
giver
know the title of the book and what is stated in the book plate.
Obviously
from that last statement,  we put a book plate in each gift book stating

that the book was given in memory of... and by whom if that is desired.
That's what we usually do, we've also used the money given to us to
purchase
our regular magazine subscription of a title that was of particular
interest
to the student being remembered. We palced a gift message on the plastic

cover we use for our current issue. Finally, a colleague of mine lost
her
newly adopted baby last year, and we did two things as a school
community.
One was to collect donations for the children's hospital where she was
treated and a second collection was made to give books in her name to
the
local public library's children's section (a plaque of some sort was
included in this one, I think.)

Anyway, those are some ideas for such a sad occasion.  Please pass on my

sympathy to your colleague.
*******************************


20 years ago 4 young people were killed in a car accident with
their own alcohol use involved, 2 were from our school,
one  a recent graudate.
Her parents gave $500.--a lot of money then espeically
and we decided, after some consideration,
to build up our girls' self-esteem books, biographies, history,
etc.  It was a successful project.
***********************************


You might consider a tree, with a plaque in the ground beside it noting
"in memory of.."  This was done when 2 children in our school died in
boating accident.
-*************************************

Josephine,  How tragic.  We had the very same thing happen in our
district.  The son of one of our football coaches was killed Dec. 11th
after the van he was riding in was hit by a drunk driver.  His
grandfather
also died in the accident.  Since then, we have had
several donations of money to what we are calling Ryan's Corner in the
library.  Ryan was a 6th grader here at our school of 330 fifth and
sixth
graders.  I even asked LMNETTERS for suggestions of books to put in the
corner.  We have plants(still form the funeral flowers), two big
Nintendo
chairs (donated by PTO), stereo system with mood music tapes (donated by

one teacher) and books (donated from everywhere and I'm still ordering.)

This was there only child as well (so very sad!) and the family has
established a small scholarship in his name.  Good luck to you all and
God
Bless!
**************************************


In our school several years ago a child's death lead to the
establishment of
a "Muffy Award" which is a $25.00 savings bond presented to the member
of
the eighth grade class who is the most like Muffy...who was an avid
reader.
The bond is funded by interest from an account which was established.
**************************************



--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Josephine Dervan
Library Media Specialist
Strathmore Elementary School
Aberdeen, New Jersey, USA 07747

Home-rderva@injersey.com        School-jdervan@marsd.k12.nj.us
PC/Windows95, Netscape Communicator 4.0/Netscape Mail

"Anyone who has a library and a garden wants for nothing"- CICERO

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