HUMOR: School Prayer

[Alice Yucht <AliceInfo@AOL.COM>]

(note: I don't know who wrote this -- since it's one of those
ubiquitious cyberessays that make their way around the 'net,
but still. . . . it does have a certain resonance to it)
Alice H. Yucht
Aliceinfo@aol.com

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 Oh Greater or Higher Power:

Let me see if I've got this right.  You want me to go into that room
with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment with a love
for learning.  Not only that, I'm to instill a sense of pride in their
ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, and observe
them for signs of abuse, drugs, and T-shirt messages.

I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,
check their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem.
I'm to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and
fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a
checkbook and how to apply for a job, but I am never to ask if they
are in this country illegally.

I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe
environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior,
offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student
employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural
diversity of others, and oh yeah, teach, always making sure that I
give the girls in my class fifty percent of my attention.

I'm required by my contract to be working, on my own time,
summer and evenings and at my own expense towards additional
certification, advance certification and a master's degree, to
sponsor the cheerleaders or the sophomore class and after school
I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in
staff development training to maintain my current certification
and employment status.

I am to collect data and maintain all records to support and document
our building's progress in the selected state mandated program to
"assess and upgrade educational excellence in the public schools."

I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very
presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of
authority.  I am to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a
return to the basics, and my current administration.

I am to incorporate technology into the learning, but monitor all web
sites for appropriateness while providing a personal one-on-one
relationship with each student.  I am to decide who might be
potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit crimes in school or
who is possibly being abused and I can be sent to jail for not
mentioning these suspicions to those in authority.

I am to make sure ALL students pass the state and federally mandated
testing and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a
regular basis or complete any of the work assigned.
I am to communicate frequently with each student's parent by letter,
phone, newsletter, and grade card.

I'm to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few
books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute or less plan time, and a big
smile on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps
in many states.

Is that all?

And you want me to do all of this and expect me to do it without praying?

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