HIT: Secretary Day

[rich tabis <tabis@infonline.net>]

I had requested the text from a little script to read  on Secretary Day.
Although no one sent the speech I had used 2 years ago, the following
can be easily adapted to suit your needs.( I plan to keep looking in my
files!)  Thanks to those who sent suggestions.

RETIREMENT IS SWEET

YOO-HOO (Name of retiree), YOO-HOO (Name of retiree), YOO-HOO (Name of
retiree).  I'm going to do a little sweet talking to you tonight!

You are a credit to our profession. CRACKERJACK teachers one and all.
You've been EXTRAVAGANT with your time, coming early and staying late.
to set up your lessons, give extra help to your students and take care
of
the
MOUNDS of dittos and later copies that had to be made.

As new teachers, I know you felt like you were working for PEANUTS, but
now your tenure and expertise have added a BIT-O-HONEY to the ole
PAYDAY.

Through the years you've had students of all shapes and sizes from RUNTS

to GOBSTOPPERS.  You've taught plenty of AIR HEADS and NERDS, but you
had
intentions that were GOOD AND PLENTY of patience, so you just gave them
EXTRA love and kept the DREAM that they would actually amount to
something
someday.

You've had kids with sticky fingers and kids with BUTTERFINGERS, who
seemed to break everything they touched.  You've had kids who told a
WHOPPER and put you in a CRUNCH.

And then there were the parents.  There were some that seemed to have
TINY
SIZE brains, some who appeared to be BONKERS and a few who made you feel

like you were trying to talk to someone from MARS.

But instead of looking for SWEET ESCAPES like taking a few NIPS from a
bottle or taking a stroll down 5th AVENUE, you thought of the cute and
funny
things your kids had done in the past, you remembered you had your share

of SMARTIES and even an ANGEL or two.  You recalled the many great
parents
you've worked with and even a few who were real LIFESAVERS.  So you shed
a
few tears, gave a few SNICKERS and went back to teaching.

Now as you look toward the SWEET REWARDS of retirement, I know you're
feeling mixed SENSATIONS.  As Bill Nye, the Science Guy says, Consider
the
Following:

You may never again have to go to a meeting at 7:30 in the Morning. I
bet
that's a cheering thought NOW AND LATER it will be, too. Next September
you

can wake up whenever you want, you can go out to lunch and feel
absolutely
CAREFREE.

I don't know what you will be doing in front of the TV set, You may be
knitting or crocheting or snuggling up with someone or giving yourself a

manicure, but you will have ZERO papers to grade.


May you keep your good memories forever among your SPECIAL TREASURES.
And
those that may not be so good...bundle them up with all those catch
phrases

like Mastery Learning, Assertive Discipline, Effective Schools,
Accelerated

Schools, Open Schools, Closed Lunch, Multiple Intelligence, Learning
Styles, Right-Brain, Anticipatory Set, MMAT, MSIP, Cooperative Learning,

Pair-Share, Rubric, and OBE and let them all fade into one little
WHATCHAMACALLIT.

Spend a while going on a SPREE...a shopping Spree, a travel Spree, a
gardening Spree, a reading Spree, a decorating spree, but keep those
PROMISES
you made to yourself about what you would do later when you had more
time.

We wish we could give you 100 GRAND in honor of your years here at
(school
name),
but all we can afford are a few COINS.  However, we are going to send
you
off 20 with lots of HUGS and KISSES and a SYMPHONY of good wishes!!!

This isn't exactly what was asked for but here's a HIT
dealing with candy that may help:

Bulletin Board idea:
   "Where can you study the MILKY WAY and read the adventures of the
THREE
MUSKETEERS?  Where can you hear the SNICKERS of children and the CRUNCH
of the Wild Things?  Where can you have MOUNDS of NUTRAGEOUS fun?  In
the
library, of coarse!"
*******************
Student Contest Ideas (students submitted sayings and the 3 top winners
got to share the candy!) and hand-made valentine sayings:
   I'm a SUCKER for a good book. (This was on a laminated bookmark w/ a
sucker attached...given to each one who entered the contest).
A good book is worth a HUNDRED GRAND.
Books bring MOUNDS of reading fun!
A good mystery can make you KRACKEL with excitement.
Don't SNICKER at a good book.
ALMOND JOY's got nuts, books don't.
NUTRAGEOUS about a good book.
Books can fly you to the MILKY WAY.
Looking for MR. GOODBAR.
You get more JOY out of a book than out of an Almond.
Joke books make me SNICKER.
On PAYDAY I like to buy a few good books.
Some funny books bring SNICKERS to my head.
Have you read the books about the JOLLY RANCHER's dog, Hank the Cowdog?
When she had time, she always DOVE into a good book.
For some good SNICKERS, read ___________.
A good book is worth a MILLION DOLLARS.
MILKY WAY - something about the stars, galaxies, outer space.
You'll get the SNICKERS when you read this funny book.
M & M means _Where the Read Fern Grows_ is Mrs. Moore's favorite book.
Here's a book about how to give a magic show.  It's filled with
lots of TWIX.
I can't decide TWIX a mystery and a funny book.
You'll love reading Stone Fox so don't be a BUTTERFINGER and let this
one
slip through your hands.
On a scale of ZERO to ten, you'll find that _The Velveteen Rabbit_
deserves a Ten.
MILKY WAY might be a good place to find out about Magic School Bus in
Outer Space.
**********************
Faculty PR Ideas:
...I used candy names for an end of the year activity
with staff where we matched candy names with job descriptions...We gave
candy bars to each staff as we read their department in the description.

Examples:  MOUNDS of trash for the custodians.  For math teachers we
used
ZERO bars...for home ec. GOOD & PLENTY, etc.
**********************
And finally, some of my own ideas...(I'll never again pass the candy
section in a store without thinking of a pun)...This has been fun!
There's always a REISEN to read. (However, I'm not sure if I'm
pronouncing this right)
Give your students a REISEN to read.
You'll go GOO GOO over all the stuff you can find in the library.
The big PAYDAY will come when you can SCORE higher on tests.
Whether you like ALPINE skiing or going to the SYMPHONY, everyone can
use
the library!
--
Lois Tabis, Librarian
Sharpsville HS, Sharpsville, PA
tabis@infonline.net

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