Humor

[rich tabis <tabis@infonline.net>]

How many of these have you rec'd.?

John Quist offers this "gentle summary of this year's e-mail junk and
fraud..."
>
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from
having
been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway,
one
day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was
full
of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized
that
HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said
"Call
911!" But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his

computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his
hard
drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't
a
hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on
software to save us from Armageddon when the
year 2000 rolls around. And it's a little known fact that the Y1K
problem
caused the Dark Ages. His program will prevent a global disaster in
which
all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus
cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true-I read it
all
last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also
promising
me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail
to
everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone
to
report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he
got
jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that
said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks
from
the hospital-the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is,
the
one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail
and
the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every
e-mail
he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's
and
o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to 10 people,
you
will have good luck but 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you
send
it to less than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So
anyway
the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he
noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful,
he
flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang
initiation. Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail
and
you will receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and

Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more
bad
luck, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant

which clogged the pores under her arms, and the U.S. government will put
a
tax on your emails forever.

--
Lois Tabis, Librarian
Sharpsville HS, Sharpsville, PA
tabis@infonline.net

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