HUMOR: Political poetics

[Alice Yucht <aliceinfo@EXCITE.COM>]

Written by some anonymous cyber-scribe. . . .
but well-worth sharing:

In olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse.
But The Great 2000 Election Controversy is so big that all-star poets have
come out of retirement to quickly set the story to rhyme....

For starters:

History buff Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

=A0=A0 Listen, my children, don't dare ignore,
=A0=A0 The midnight actions of Bush and Gore
=A0=A0 In early November, the year ought-ought,
=A0=A0 Hard to believe the mess they wrought.
=A0=A0 Two billion bucks of campaign bounty
=A0=A0 All came down to Palm Beach County.
=A0=A0 What result could have been horrider
=A0=A0 Than the situation we found in Florider?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edgar Allen Poe is his usual gloomy self:

=A0=A0 Once upon a campaign dreary, one which left us weak and weary
=A0=A0 O'er many a quaint and curious promise of political lore
=A0=A0 While we nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a yapping,
=A0=A0 As of some votes overlapping, energy-zapping to the core
=A0=A0 "'Tis a mess here," we all muttered, as the network anchors stuttere=
d,
=A0=A0 Stuttered over Bush and Gore.
=A0=A0 Could there be another election with such a case of misdirection,
=A0=A0 One with such a weak selection, yet fraught with tension to the core=
?
=A0=A0 Quoth the ravers, "Nevermore."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Britain's Edward Lear's limerick is lighter:

=A0=A0 There once was a U.S. election
=A0=A0 That called for some expert detection -
=A0=A0 How thousands of pollers
=A0=A0 Could become two-holers
=A0=A0 Like outhouses of recollection.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ditto, Ogden Nash:

=A0=A0 I regret to admit that all my knowledge is
=A0=A0 What I learned at Electoral Colleges,
=A0=A0 So tell me please, though I hate to troublya,
=A0=A0 Will the winner be Al, or will it be Dublya?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joyce Kilmer's a media analyst:

=A0=A0 I thought that I would never see
=A0=A0 The networks all so up a tree.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walt Whitman is lyrical, as always:

=A0=A0 O' Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip's not done
=A0=A0 The ship has weathered every rack, but nobody knows who's won.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alfred Noyes rhythmically rumbles:

=A0=A0 And still of an autumn night they say, with the White House on the l=
ine,
=A0=A0 When the campaign's a ghostly galleon and both candidates cry, "'Tis
mine!"
=A0=A0 When the road is a ribbon of ballots, all within easy reach,
=A0=A0 A highwayman comes riding,
=A0=A0 Riding, Riding,
=A0=A0 A highwayman comes riding, and punches two holes in each.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Seuss takes a look at election officials:

=A0=A0 I cannot count them in a box
=A0=A0 I cannot count them with a fox
=A0=A0 I cannot count them by computer
=A0=A0 I will not with a Roto-Rooter
=A0=A0 I cannot count them card-by-card
=A0=A0 I will not 'cause it's way too hard
=A0=A0 I cannot count them on my fingers
=A0=A0 I will not while suspicion lingers.
=A0=A0 I'll leave the country in a jam -
=A0=A0 I can't count ballots, Sam-I-Am.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clement Moore adopts a holiday theme:

=A0=A0 'Twas the month before Christmas, when all through the courts,
=A0=A0 All the plaintiffs made stirring bad ballot reports.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Which leaves the problem:

=A0=A0 Perhaps the best way to stop complaints that are raucous is
=A0=A0 To start all over again, with the Iowa caucuses.







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