LM_NET: Library Media Networking
Hi Everyone,
I was just going through my saved emails, and read through this 'humor'
message posted to lm_net by David Linninger in August 2000. (message
follows)
How about using it as a "misinformation" lesson?
The kids could choose a statement and verify it using a variety of
resources. I'm laughing already, thinking about their reactions when they
discover how incorrect these perfectly reasonable sounding statements are!
Betsy Budney
Librarian
Harte Elementary School
Chicago, Illinois
sbbudney@enteract.com
Here's the original message:
Colleagues:
I've really enjoyed the humor many of you have shared with us. I share them
with others here at school, and some of them have found their way into our
daily bulletin. Here's one I got from another list. Share it with the
appropriate people at your school.
Interpretations of nature from junior high, high school, and college test
papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers (spelling errors
preserved)....
"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which
there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards
the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart
stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the
hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
doctor."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered,
then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your
throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
David Lininger (KB0ZKE), LMS
Hickory County R-1 Schools
Rt 1, Box 838
Urbana, MO 65767
mailto: tss003@mail.connect.more.net
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