off topic: Cat humor

[Mary Ludwick <ludwick@swbell.net>]

Directions for cat owners wrapping gifts

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
  2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and
shut
  door.
  3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
  4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
  5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
  6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
scissors,
  labels, etc. . .
  7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable
wrapping
  strategy to be formed.
  8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
  drawer since last visit and collect string.
  9. Remove present from bag.
  10. Remove cat from bag.
  11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
  12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
  13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove
cat.
  14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
  15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
  paper.
  16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
  present came in.
  17. Place present on paper.
  18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
  reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
  19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
  sticky tape.
  20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky
tape
  from cat with pair of nail scissors.
  21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
  22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
  ribbon.
  23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
  24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
  enthusiastic ribbon chase.
  25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
  26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk
of
  losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the
right
  size for sheet of paper.
  27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
  28. Remove sting, open box and remove cat.
  29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked
  room.
  30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper
  and materials.
  31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and
  relock.
  32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
  cat from outside door)
  33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
  area of the toilet, but do your best)
  34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
  through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
  Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this
last
  year as well.
  35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
  make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
  36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing
with
  sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
  areas.
  37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself
on
  completing a difficult job.
  38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
  39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious
conclusion.
  40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
  41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.

--
Mary Croix Ludwick   ludwick@swbell.net (home)
ludwickm@lisd.net(school)
Librarian, Owen Elem.,The Colony, Texas
Lewisville ISD(north of Dallas)   K-5

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=
All postings to LM_NET are protected under copyright law.
To quit LM_NET (or set-reset NOMAIL or DIGEST, etc.) send email to:
listserv@listserv.syr.edu   In the message write EITHER:
1) SIGNOFF LM_NET 2) SET LM_NET NOMAIL or 3) SET LM_NET DIGEST
4) SET LM_NET MAIL  * Please allow for confirmation from Listserv.
For LM_NET Help see: http://ericir.syr.edu/lm_net/
Archives: http://askeric.org/Virtual/Listserv_Archives/LM_NET.shtml
 See also EL-Announce for announcements from library media vendors:
    http://www.mindspring.com/~el-announce/
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=