Re: off topic: Cat humor

[Dawn Sardes <Dmsardes@AOL.COM>]

Loved It!!!

Here's my story of decking the halls at Sardes Manor this year

1. Go to attic storage and remove box with the tree in it.
2. Trip over Mr. Sparky as he makes a beeline for the "mysterious" attic
storage room, dropping box with tree & sending it down the stairs like a
toboggan.
3.  Go back into attic storage to find Mr. Sparky, hoping he hasn't somehow
fallen down into a wall.
4. Find Mr. Sparky clawing into the insulation behind my mother's 3' X 3'
ugly turquoise peacock wall sculpture, bring him out just in time to stop
Lady Marmalade from getting in there too.
5. Go to the bottom of the stairs and try to collect the pieces of the tree
off the hallway floor, make note to look for a new box cuz this one has now
had it.
6. Take pieces of tree into living room, sort the branches into their color
coordinated piles on the couch while Lady Marmalade watches from atop the
back of the couch.
7. Pick up the branches that went flying when Vixen saw that Lady Marmalade
was in "her" spot on the back of the couch and decided to teach her a lesson.
8. Stop Vixen from eating the branches.
9. Start putting the tree together, tripping over Mr. Sparky, (who seems to
think he is needed as a supervisor) knocking the tree over and dislodging the
branches you've managed to put in thus far.
10. Jump as you hear that long, low mrrroowww that means that "someone" is
upchucking.  Run into the bedroom just in time to see Ms. Vixen vomit on your
bed.
11.  Remove comforter & pillow sham, take to basement and put in washing
machine.  Check to make sure dryer is empty, landing on butt as Lady
Marmalade comes flying out of dryer into your face.
12.  Send husband to drugstore to get valium prescription refilled.
13.  Go back to living room, remove Lady Marmalade from the partially
assembled tree, pick it up off floor & set it upright.  Stick the branches
into the holes as quickly as you can, don't worry about where.
14.  Go back to the mystery attic room--chase all three cats from the
entrance, go in, shutting the door behind you.
15.  Gather the lights, come back to the door, discover that the little latch
must have fallen into the trap cuz you can't get out.  Sit and wait until you
hear husband come back from the drug store so he can free you.
16. Remove Lady Marmaldae from tree, chase all 3 cats from living room.
17. Put lights on tree.  Look around to see Lady Marmalade sneaking off with
packet of extra bulbs hanging from mouth.
18.  Chase Lady Marmalade through house.
19.  Shimmy under bed to retrieve the packet of bulbs, avoiding Lady
Marmalade's claws.
20.  Stand watch at bottom of stairs as husband enters attic room to get the
boxes of ornaments and garland.
21.   Stop Lady Marmalade from chewing on lights.
22.  Use scotch tape to remove cat hair from angel's dress (How did it get
there?).
23.  Turn around to see Ms. Vixen on chair looking down into box of garland
just as Lady Marmalade springs up out of the box, bats Ms. Vixen in the face
and runs, trailing length of gold garland behind.  Ms. Vixen, incensed starts
chase.  They run into basement, starting a fight, upsetting Mr. Sparky who's
in the litter pan. Somehow in the melee, one litter pan is turned over.
24. Gather broom & dustpan and clean up the basement floor.
25.  Put comforter and pillow sham into dryer, Put clean liner and litter
into pan.
26.  Go back upstairs to find all three cats sitting looking innocent while
there are three ornaments out of box and broken.
27. Open some cans of BumbleBee tuna. Put on kitchen floor to distract
monsters...uh...cats.
28. Finish decorating tree.

As God is my witness, this is a true story.

Dawn Sardes
YA Librarian
Dmsardes@aol.com

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