CHRISTMAS HUMOR

["DEFRANK, KAREN" <KDEFRANK@GLASSBORO.K12.NJ.US>]

How to make your roommate (substitute spouse or kids here if necessary)
CRAZY at Christmas



1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to
bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and trash on the floor.
2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get
off.
3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting,
"Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
5. Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the
room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
6. Hang a stocking with your roommate's name on it. Collect coal and sharp
objects in it. If s/he asks, say "You've been very naughty this year."
7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you
never get to join in on any reindeer games.
8. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. "You know, I saw mommy
kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.")
9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.
10. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."
11. Give your roommate the gifts from the "12 Days of Christmas" song.
12. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When
it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically, "It didn't work!"
13. Whip your roommate, screaming, "Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and
Blitzen," etc.
14. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah
Humbug!"
15. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have
mercy on my soul!"
16. Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th
Street.
17. Pin a poinsettia to your lapel. A whole poinsetta.
18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts
first.
19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends
"give it a yank."
20. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel
gets his wings."
21. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"
over and over in your underwear.
22. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.
23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing, "He
sees you when you're sleeping..."
24. Steal a life-sized nativity scene and display it in your room. When your
roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here. There was no room
at the inn."
25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions.
Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.


Found posted on the Internet and in e-mail, credited anonymously.

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