Humor: Genesis, Rewritten

[Dawn Sardes <Dmsardes@AOL.COM>]

Folks, this gave me the best laugh I've had all week; enjoy

Dawn Sardes
YA Librarian
Euclid Public Library
Euclid, OH 44123
dsardes@euclid.lib.oh.us
dmsardes@aol.com


GENESIS

 In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth....

 And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face
 of the deep.

 And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

 And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.

 And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed,
 and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.

 And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."

 And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let
 them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air
 and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping
 thing that creepeth upon the Earth."

 And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them.

 And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

 And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."

 And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
 green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
 long and healthy lives.

 And Satan created McDonald's.  And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent
 double cheeseburger.

 And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

 And Man said, "Super-size them."  And Man gained 5 pounds.

 And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
 that man found so fair.

 And Satan brought forth chocolate.  And Woman gained 5 pounds.

 And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

 And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's.  And Woman gained 10 pounds.

 And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
 with which to cook them."

 And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
 platter.

 And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

 And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra
 pounds.

 And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
 have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

 And Man gained another 20 pounds.

 And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."  And God brought
 forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with
 nutrition.

 And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
 into chips and deep-fat fried them.  And he created sour cream dip also.

 And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in
 cholesterol.  And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into
 cardiac arrest.

 Then God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

 And Satan created HMO's.

 Amen!

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