Thought you might enjoy. This was forwarded to me from a friend from
South Africa who did not know or include the original source.
*********
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) We must polish the Polish furniture.
4) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
5) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
6) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
to present the present.
7) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
8) They were too close to the door to close it.
9) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
10) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
11) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
12) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
13) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple
nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth
beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? one house, two
heese.
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to
an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo
by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which
your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form
by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at
all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
************
Dennis Hollingsead
Administrative Assistant to VP for Academic Administration
Andrews University
Berrien Springs, MI 49104
269-471-3404
Graduate Student
Minnesota State University, Mankato
hollings@andrews.edu
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