HUMOR: No child left behind in sports (long)

[Shirley Fitzpatrick <SFitzpatrick@USD259.NET>]

I thought you all would enjoy this.
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No Child Left Behind in Sports??? <?xml:namespace prefix =3D o ns =3D =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
The Federal government has announced that all high
school football teams must meet "No Child Left Behind"
legislation beginning next season.
 1* No team will be declared a winner, as that will
leave 50% of participants behind.
 2* All high schools will be divided into districts
with eight teams per district. Every team must finish
at least 3rd place to be proficient.
3* All teams must score at least 21 points, but no
defense can allow more than 7 points.
 4* No tournaments will be held as this would result
in one champion.  The BCS experimented with this
concept this season in college football.
5* All teams must make the state playoffs, and all
will win the championship. If a team does not win
the championship, they will be on probation until they
are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.
In a recent experiment, the University of Nebraska
football program modeled this theory.
6* All kids will be expected to have the same football
skills at the same time and in the same conditions.
No exceptions for interest in football, desire in
athletics, genetic abilities or disabilities.... ALL
KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.
 7* Talented players will be asked to work out on
their own without instruction, because the coaches=20
will be using all their instructional time with the=20
athletes that aren't interested in football, have=20
limited athletic ability, and whose parents don't=20
like football.
 8* Games will be played year round, but statistics
will only be kept in 4th, 8th, and 11th grades.
 9* This will create a New Age of sports where every
school is expected to have the same level of talent
and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If
no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

 Shirley Fitzpatrick, Library Media Specialist

Metro-Midtown Alternative High School
Wichita, KS
sfitzpatrick@usd259.net
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