Well, I did no library work over the holidays (a 3 and a 4 year-old in
the home sort of preclude that) and things are stacked to the ceiling so
what better time to do something unnecessary?
A test to see if you are a real librarian
1)Mr. Dewey
a) 5 points if you know the difference between John and Melville
b) 10 points if you caught the misspelling of Melvil in a)
c) 15 points if you know basic biographical information about Melvil
d) 20 points if you have a pet named Melvil or Dewey
e) 50 points if you have a child named Melvil or Dewey
f) 100 points if you have his name or likeness tattooed anywhere on your
body
2)Collection Management
a) 1 point for each book you have on (and under and in) your nightstand
b) 5 points for every 1000 books you have in your home
c) 10 points if your personal books are arranged by genre
d) 15 points if they are arranged by Dewey category
e) 50 points if you have spine labels on your books at home
f) 100 points if you maintain a database or card catalog for your
personal holdings
3)Professional Attire
a) 5 points for each book tie, scarf, shirt or vest you own
b) 10 points for each time you dressed as a literary character in the
last year
c) 15 points if you have literature-themed furniture in your library
d) 100 points if you have literature-themed furniture in your home (book
shelves do not count)
4) Copyright
a) 5 points if you understand and can explain the difference between
copyright date and publication date
b) 10 points if you have ever refused to copy a CD or video for you
spouse
c) 15 points if you know what DMCA stands for
d) 25 points if you have ever answered a copyright question on LM_NET
(an additional 50 points if you were right)
e) 100 points for each copyright infringement court case you can name
5)Professional Communication
a) 5 points for each library, technology, and literature e-mail list you
are subscribed to
b) 10 points for every 1/2 hour you spend per day on e-mail
c) 15 points for each target/hit posting you have done on LM_NET in the
last year
d) 25 points (and the gratitude of thousands of list members) if you
know the difference between Reply and Reply to All
e) 50 points if you check the archives before posting a query
f) 100 points if get the DTs when the district mail server is down
g) 500 points if you are subscribed from two different addresses just in
case one of the mail servers goes down
6)Cataloging and Classification
a) one point if you know what DDC stands for
b) 5 points if when you hear someone say "Sears" you don't think of the
retailer
c) 10 points if you have every gotten into a debate over the virtues
Sears versus LC headings
c) 25 points if you have a copy of DDC or Sears at home (50 points if
they are on your night stand)
d) 50 points if you know what subject is covered by Dewey number 027.822
(25 points if you didn't know but just went to look it up)
7)Patron Services
a) 5 points for each time you have loaned a patron a book from your
personal collection
b) 10 points if you regularly work beyond the contract day so kids can
use the library
c) 25 points if you work through lunch so kids can use the library
d) 50 points if volunteer at a virtual or physical reference desk
e) 100 points if hang out by the information desk at Barnes and Nobel
and try to answer customer questions
8)Facilities management
a) 5 points if you have the uncontrollable urge to push in chairs
wherever you go
b) 10 points if you shush loud kids in public places
c) 25 points if you have ever complained to a bookstore manager about
their organization and layout
d) 100 points if you have ever surreptitiously reorganized the books in
someone else's home
9)Professional Organizations and Professional Development
a) 5 points for each organization, committee and round table you are a
member of
b) 10 points for each conference workshop you have presented
c) 15 points for each professional journal you read each month (yes, you
have to actually read it)
d) 25 points if you have been elected to office in a state organization
e) 50 points if you have been elected to office in a national
organization
f) 100 points if you have ever impersonated a library organization
officer
BONUS POINTS:
5 points for each librarian character you can name from stage, screen,
or literature
50 Points if you can recite Rachel Weiss's "I may not be an
adventurer..." speech from "The Mummy"
SCORING:
0-50 points: you are not a librarian, step away from the circ desk and
leave quietly
51-100 points: come back when you finish your MLS
100-200 points: you are becoming a real librarian
200-300 points: you are a real librarian but you may need a vacation
301 or more points: you must be stopped
----
Tony Doyle, Librarian
Livingston High School, Livingston, CA
tdoyle@muhsd.k12.ca.us
<Http://www.lhs.muhsd.k12.ca.us/library/index.htm>
"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get
people to stop reading them."-- Ray Bradbury
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