No one offered the elusive term, but the suggestions were terrific and I
will use them all. Thanks so much! Do read to the end because the last two
are particularly moving. Enormous thanks to all who contributed.
I don't know the term, but I have fond memories of something similar.
When my beloved grandmother passed away 15 years ago one of the
ladies in her Sunday School class came up to our family and told us
of the group's tradition. It was a beautiful remembrance of friends
loved and now passed. One person would come to the home where the
family was and select a few possessions that the family was not going
to take as part of their inheritance. Then the ladies Bible Study
group would each then take one personal item and that would always
remind them of their friend.
************************************
The Disney version (sadly, not the book) of Alice In Wonderland has an
> unbirthday party in it, complete with unbirthday gifts that one can get on
> any day but one's birthday. Perhaps unbirthday gift is a term to consider
************************************
How about "bequesting"?
************************************
maybe repurposing?
***********************************
Perhaps passing along a memento?
***********************************
In Native American culture it is known as a Giveaway. Sometimes a family
would give away everything they owned in gratitude for a blessing they
received or for a special occasion like a wedding. At some ceremonies like
a naming ceremony the family might just give a gift to everyone who
attended.
Giving for the sake of giving is a beautiful thing.
*********************************************************
Pat -- not thinking this is a universal term but in our family my children
> and grandchildren "call it." It began when my now teenage granddaughter
> "called" a small wooden trinket box that I had. She was 4 and said,
> "Grandma when you die, can I have that box?" I told her she could put
> her name on it and everyone would then know that "she had called it." A
> few days later I discovered the box with her name neatly written above
> mine (it was an engraved box) in permanent magic marker. Literally she
> had put her name on it. As she got older the story of her magic marker
> "name on it" got retold but as all tales do it became one of "calling it."
> So now when a member of the family admires something that we have they
> "call it." That literally means:
> 1) They like the item AND
> 2) They like the item enough that they would love to inherit it, AND
> 3) If ever we are going to rearrange/give away an item etc. that they
> would like to have it.
>
> So far I have given away a set of ruby/gold edged china to my oldest
> daughter -- she was THRILLED.
> Some special autographed books that had meaning for that particular child.
> My granddaughter if confident that she will inherit my original cover
> illustration from David Wisniewski's DUCKY -- I'm not ready to give that
> away yet.
> My other granddaughter has my waffle iron in her sights.
> I've given my sister a lovely teapot that she admired, and my friends
> numerous items that went better with their things than with mine.
> I've gifted quilts that have been used on guest beds -- things that they
> cherished from their childhood.
> I've sent my daughter-in-law a purse that she loved and wanted one like
> it -- I was ready for something new so I literally emptied it out and sent
> it home with her.
>
> So the term we've used is "I'd like to call that." We all know what it
> means.
>
> Now my children are not waiting for me to die - -it will be a long while
> (hopefully) yet, but as we change interests there are thing that disappear
> from my home and what a better way to make someone happy than to give it
> to them when they have a need/want for it.
>
> I started by giving at non-traditional times -- and now they love to get a
> wrapped box anytime, as well as at holidays. In fact the REAL gifts might
> come at other times and holidays might just bring a plate of cookies.
> Gives me a lot more flexibility.
>
> So -- Just a suggestion to make this more palatable to you:
>
> With each gift you give to someone write a personal note explaining why
> you are now choosing to give them this memory. I once gave a nephew a
> favorite cookie jar (at Christmas time when he had returned home for the
> holidays) I wrote a note telling him that I had fond memories of making
> chocolate chip cookies with him, and remember the wonderful smile he had
> on his face whenever he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But
> now that he had grown and moved further away I wanted him to have the
> cookie jar so perhaps he and his wife could keep it filled for their
> children, and each time he stuck his hand in the jar that he would think
> of me and know that I loved him beyond words. I also gave them a
> hand-written copy of "our" favorite cookie recipe. He had tears in his
> eyes - -and often mentions how much his children love the cookies and his
> wife shares other recipes for cookies that they have discovered as
> favorites. It is a gift that he cherishes. So much more fun then when I
> am gone. :>)
>
> Sorry for the length - -but I love your idea and hope that you do share
> symbols of your shared memories with those you love.
*********************************************
Pat Bartoshesky
retired - Highlands Elementary School
2100 Gilpin Ave.
Wilmington, DE 19806
pat.bartoshesky@redclay.k12.de.us
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