full contact origami

[Doug Johnson <palsdaj@VAX1.MANKATO.MSUS.EDU>]

Hi folks,

This is probably not the place to post this, but it struck me as being
awfully funny, and I wish we had more kids who could or would answer
college apps like this.

Enjoy or flame away. (I've been having to wear my scorch-proof clothes a
lot lately anyway.)

Doug


Doug Johnson, District Media Supervisor | As long as there are tests,
Mankato Public Schools, ISD 77          | there will be students praying
Box 8713, Mankato MN 56002-8713         | in school.
507-387-7698
djohns1@west.isd77.k12.mn.us or
palsdaj@vax1.mankato.msus.edu


 This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author,
 Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF  OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
 KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT  YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
 QUESTION:  ARE THERE  ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES    YOU HAVE HAD,  OR
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
 PERSON?

  I am a dynamic figure, often  seen scaling walls  and crushing ice. I
 have  been known to remodel train  stations on my lunch breaks, making
 them more efficient in the area of heat  retention. I translate ethnic
 slurs for Cuban refugees, I write  award-winning operas, I manage time
 efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

  I  woo women  with my sensuous and godlike trombone  playing, I can
 pilot bicycles up  severe inclines with  unflagging speed, and I  cook
 Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an  expert in stucco, a
 veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

  Using only a hoe  and a large glass  of water, I once single-handedly
 defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
 army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
 subject   of numerous  documentaries. When I'm   bored,  I build large
 suspension  bridges  in  my  yard.   I enjoy   urban  hang-gliding. On
 Wednesdays, after   school, I  repair  electrical appliances   free of
 charge.

  I am  an   abstract artist,   a concrete   analyst,  and  a  ruthless
 bookie.   Critics worldwide swoon over  my   original line of corduroy
 evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private  citizen, yet I receive
 fan mail.  I have been  caller number  nine  and have  won the weekend
 passes.  Last  summer  I     toured  New  Jersey   with  a   traveling
 centrifugal-force  demonstration.   I   bat  .400.  My   deft   floral
 arrangements   have  earned    me  fame     in  international   botany
 circles. Children trust me.

  I can  hurl  tennis   rackets  at small moving  objects   with deadly
 accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost,  Moby Dick, and David Copperfield
 in one day and still had time to  refurbish an entire dining room that
 evening.  I  know  the  exact location   of  every food  item in   the
 supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.

 I  sleep once a  week; when I  do sleep, I sleep in  a chair. While on
 vacation  in  Canada, I  successfully   negotiated  with a  group   of
 terrorists who had seized a  small bakery. The  laws of physics do not
 apply to me.

 I balance, I weave,  I dodge, I frolic, and  my bills are all paid. On
 weekends,  to   let  off    steam,  I  participate   in   full-contact
 origami. Years ago  I  discovered the meaning  of life  but  forgot to
 write it down. I have made  extraordinary four course meals using only
 a mouli and  a toaster oven. I  breed prizewinning clams.  I  have won
 bullfights in San Juan,  cliff-diving competitions  in Sri Lanka,  and
 spelling  bees at the Kremlin. I  have played Hamlet, I have performed
 open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 But I have not yet been to college.