HUMOR: for the Parenting Shelf

[Alice Yucht <AliceInfo@AOL.COM>]

From a medical transcriptionists' listserv, but somehow I think we can
certainly appreciate and "use" the info:

>Kids do the darnedest things...
>
>Things I've learned from my children (honest and no kidding)
>
>There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
>
>If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades,
>they can ignite
>
>A 4 years olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded resturant
>
>If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to
>rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape
>
>It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20
>foot room
>
>Baseballs make marks on ceilings
>
>You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
>
>When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few
>times before you get a hit
>
>A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
>The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
>ceiling fan
>
>When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late
>
>Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
>
>A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old
>man says they can only do it in the movies
>
>A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
>
>If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not
>leak - it explodes
>
>A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
inches deep
>
>Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
>
>Duplos will not
>
>Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence
>
>Super glue is forever
>
>McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
>
>Ditto Tarzan
>
>No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
>water
>
>Pool filters do not like Jello
>
>VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do
>
>Garbage bags do not make good parachutes
>
>Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving
>
>You probably do not want to know what that odor is
>
>Always look in the oven before you turn it on
>
>Plastic toys do not like ovens
>
>The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time
>
>The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
>
>It will however make cats dizzy
>
>Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
>
>Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry
>