HUMOR: Laws for School Libraries Murphy would be proud of

[Kathy Lauzon <KATHLAU@AOL.COM>]

School's been opened 2 1/2 days, our computer system is in shambles--If
you're having an opening like we are -- or even if you're not, you might
enjoy this:


REVEYRAND'S LIBRARY LAWS
       (with apologies to Murphy)

       6 books on a topic + 5 classes = odds are 2-to-1 on teachers
assigning the same topic at the same time.

       Budget statements from the District Office are always inversely
porportional to your budget.

       If you made the system foolproof you discover that everybody has
suddenly become geniuses.

       When 60% of your book order is back-ordered, you can safely bet that
90% of the back-orders are out of print.

       A "missing" encyclopedia will remain missing until the replacement
you ordered is placed on the shelf.

       Books will remain upright on the shelf until you go to place another
book beside them.

       You finally revise you card catalogue after putting it off for a
year only to discover a week later that a complete
       revision is coming out in a month.

       You can be sure the student who has the most overdue books reads the
least.

       When a teacher recommends a library book to a student, you can be
certain that the teacher has checked out the
       only copy and has lent it to a friend in Peru.

       Students always require a 400 word article for a 500 word essay.

       Change libraries frequently. It allows you to place the blame on
your predecessor for anything that is wrong.

       Make 17 subject headings for a book and you will find that you
should have made 18.

       If a teacher discusses a unit with you well in advance, it is a
certainty that she will be absent on the days
       scheduled, the substitute cannot administer the unit, and when the
teacher returns she cannot do the unit because
       she has to make up for lost time.
The one time of the month that you take 5 minutes to read MAD magazine is
when your superintendent walks in.

       Prepare your year-end report in September before you have screwed
everything up.

       If it's a good book, it's out of stock. If it's an excellent book,
it's out of print.

       No matter how many books you have on a subject the student always
thinks they're all "too big".

       The "super" syndrome: Libraries are always empty when the principal
or superintendent comes to visit.

       The volunteer aide who files the worst is the one who volunteers the
most.

       If you have a system that works you must be doing everything wrong.

       When you spend half your library budget on a teacher's request for a
course the odds are that the teacher will quit
       or be transferred and the course will be dropped or changed.

       No matter how long you keep an article or piece of information you
will never need it till you throw it away.

       If you have lost one issue of a magazine there will be 35 students
who will require that issue.

       No books are lost except those that are most needed and hardest to
replace.

       The books you need the most always come from your worst supplier or
jobber.

       Every librarian should have a full-time aide. It allows you to put
the blame on someone.

       If everything's fine you're probably in the wrong library.

       When you re-catalogue a book to correct an error, you automatically
create seven new problems.

       If you close the library only 3 days before year end for inventory
and administration it is a fact that 2 teachers will
       ask you to do a library lesson on those days. These are teachers you
couldn't get into the library before but now
       need marking time.

       The thinnest books have the longest catalogue numbers.

       From The Bookmark, September 1989, p.48-49
       M.L. REVEYRAND, teacher-librarian, KLO Secondary School


Kathy Lauzon
Media Specialist K-5
Frost School
East Brunswick, NJ 08816
lauzok51a.FROST@ebnet.org (school)
 KATHLAU @ aol.com  (home)

    Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
                            ...  Semisonic--"Closing time"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=
All postings to LM_NET are protected under copyright law.
 To quit LM_NET (or set-reset NOMAIL or DIGEST), send email to:
   listserv@listserv.syr.edu          In the message write EITHER:
    1) SIGNOFF LM_NET 2) SET LM_NET NOMAIL or 3) SET LM_NET DIGEST
 4) SET LM_NET MAIL  * Please allow for confirmation from Listserv
 For LM_NET Help & Archives see:  http://ericir.syr.edu/lm_net/
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=