GEN: <tongue in cheek> speech

[WB4551R@ACAD.DRAKE.EDU]

I am a 67 year old retired school librarian who thoroughly enjoys reading
the news from this group and have been very pleased at help received before.
Although I hope I am <young in heart> my UTex MLS is more than 35 years old.

I have been invited to the Metro D.C. area to give the <keynote address> at
a backyard cook-out honoring my young friend who has just been awarded her
MLS from a well-known eastern university.  She will work for the federal
government -- in fact, already is.

Although this is all in fun, I really would like to say something humorous
about such as--
        age/youth
        school library/federal library
        Eastern elite/Iowa corn
        changes in libraries over the past three decades  [hey, I started
out saving computer data on an audio tape!]

Jokes, puns, stories, ideas all gladly accepted ASAP.  Thank you very much.
Eleanor Blanks, Des Moines, IA