HIT: Epitaphs

[Ron McAtee <Ron.McAtee@BBS.NITCO.COM>]

Here are the epitaphs you shared with me along with a couple of
decorating ideas.  Thanks.
Ron McAtee
Kankakee Valley High School
Wheatfield, IN

Here lies the math teacher.  His sums finally added up!
and Here lies the cafeteria staff.  Wow!  They actually ate their own
macaroni and cheese...Can't wait for this year's stuff.  The principal
wants first dibs!     Jane Kaszczynec, Librarian
___________________________________________
In memory of
Capt. Thomas Stetson
Who was killed by the fall of a tree Nov. 28 1820 AE. 68
Nearly 30 years he was master of a vessel and left that employment at
the
age of 48 for the less hazardous one of cultivating his farm.  Man is
never
secure from the arrest of death.
-----
To the memory of Abraham Beaulieu  Born 15 September 1822
Accidently shot 4th April 1844  As a mark of affection from his brother.
-----
A Wells Fargo agent insisted, unsuccessfully, on collecting for
shipment:
Here Lies  Lester Moore  Four slugs  from a .44
No Les  No Moore.
-----
Over the grave of William P. Monroe, captain of the fire department,
killed
while racing to a fire:
He has answered  His last Alarm.
-----
Jack Wagner Killed Ed Masterson April 9, 1878
Killed by Bat Masterson April 9, 1878
He argued with the wrong man's Brother.
-----
Shoot-em-up Jake Run for Sheriff 1872 Run from Sheriff 1876
Buried 1876.
-----
Marker on the common grave of three horse thieves who were hanged:
Horse Thieves Beware:
Here lie the bodies of Allen, Curry, Hall Like other thieves they had
their rise, decline, and fall. On yon pine tree they hung til dead And
here their bodies found a lonely bed. Then be a little cautious how you
gobble horses up
For every horse you pick up here adds sorrow to your cup.
We're bound to stop this business or hang you to a man
For we've hemp and hands enough in town to swing the whole clan.
-----
A thing that's 'bout as trying as a healthy man can meet
Is some poor feller's funeral a-joggin' 'long the street:
The slow hearse and the horse--slow enought to say the least,
Fer to even tax the patience of the gentleman deceased!
The slow crunch of the gravel and the lsow grind of the wheels--
The slow, slow go of every woe that everybody feels,
So I ruther like the contrast when I hear the whiplash crack
A quickstep for the horses when the hearse come back.
                                                --James Whitcomb Riley
-----------------------------------------
Linda Wolfgram
____________________________________________________________
 Here lies the body of Winifred Wexpert,
        Wrongly self-styled mushroom expert.

        Here lies the body of Samuel Smith
        What was that stuff he was fooling with?

        Here lies the body of Fearsome Frank,
        Who often bet he could rob any bank,
        And bragged he had never lost a bet --- Yet.

        Here lies the body of Wilfred White
        His bulletproof vest wasn't quite.

        Here lies the body of Kermit Smoot
        He almost learned to parachute.

        Here lies the body of Jeffrey Squattum
        In skin-diving class he came out at the bottom.

        Here lies the body of Mortimer Gissing:
        His famous last words:  I hear something hissing!
(accompanied by
a picture of a rattlesnake)

This one's not an epitaph, but it's a good one for Halloween:
        Dracula and I were boyhood friends.  I knew him when he was
just a
little nipper.
--
Suzanne Cane
______________________________________________________
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
Life's very short
So party we must!
 --
T.K.Cassidy
________________________________________________
 the inscription " I told you I was sick".
----    James Mong and Larry Parsons
______________________________________________
...English IV students to write
theirs.  The funniest I had was one from a student who was always
behind
on her assignments:
Her lies XXXXX
Late, as usual.

Julie A. Walker
______________________________________________
Well, goodbye.
Larry Parsons
______________________________________________                  "storybook 
graveyard"
as part of it, and some of the stones read --
Wilbur -  he was some pig -- Lassie - she'll never come home
Mary Lennox - Mistress Mary, Quite Contrary, How DOES your
garden grow? -- Snow White - She took a bite,  good night!
Peter Piper - took one pickled pepper too many -- George - Curiousity
killed the monkey
Candace Foster
______________________________________________
... decorated our display case the same way:
"Quoth the raven nevermore"
For in the library:   "Reserved for you" and "On permanent loan" along
with Rigor Mortis.
V. Cascanet
______________________________________________