Query: Need Retirement Ceremony (humorous) Ideas

[Paula Neale <PLNeale@aol.com>]

I have a few years yet before I start getting serious about the retirement=20
todo list, but I have appreciated seeing it and there are certainly things I=20
would never have considered, which now I suppose I will.

Meanwhile I am at the stage where I am supposed to be able to come up with a=
n=20
endless supply of creative and novel ideas for everything.  I don't know why=20
people think this is easy for me because all our personality and learning=20
style training always puts me way at the other end of the spectrum in the=20
logical sequential, left brain, etc., etc.

Anyway last year, with the help of my clerk (who I think got the original=20
idea from Linda Hartman, a subscriber to this list)   I did do something a=20
little different for the annual retirement dinner.  So naturally this year=20
they want something more and better and my ideas don't seem to be generating=
.=20
 I'm sure some of you can describe wonderful things your school has done and=20
I bet many of us could use an idea file for this kind of thing.  For what=20
it's worth, I'll start us out with our "Retirement is Sweet" presentation. I=
t=20
calls for about $30 worth of candy bars so be warned.

Meanwhile our retirees this year are two longtime elementary teachers, both=20
of whom have always gone way beyond the call of duty in nurturing and=20
teaching our kids.

RETIREMENT IS SWEET

YOO-HOO (Name of retiree), YOO-HOO (Name of retiree), YOO-HOO (Name of=20
retiree).  I'm going to do a little sweet talking to you tonight!

The three of you are a credit to our profession. CRACKERJACK teachers one an=
d=20
all.  You've been EXTRAVAGANT with your time, coming early and staying late=20
to set up your lessons, give extra help to your students and take care of th=
e=20
MOUNDS of dittos and later copies that had to be made.

As new teachers, I know you felt like you were working for PEANUTS, but now=20
your tenure and expertise have added a BIT-O-HONEY to the ole PAYDAY.

Through the years you've had students of all shapes and sizes from RUNTS to=20
GOBSTOPPERS.  You've taught plenty of AIR HEADS and NERDS, but you had=20
intentions that were GOOD AND PLENTY of patience, so you just gave them EXTR=
A=20
love and kept the DREAM that they would actually amount to something someday=
.

You've had kids with sticky fingers and kids with BUTTERFINGERS, who seemed=20
to break everything they touched.  You've had kids who told WHOPPERS and put=20
you in a CRUNCH.

And then there were the parents.  There were some that seemed to have TINY=20
SIZE brains, some who appeared to be BONKERS and a few who made you feel lik=
e=20
you were trying to talk to someone from MARS.

But instead of looking for SWEET ESCAPES like taking a few NIPS from a bottl=
e=20
or taking a stroll down 5th AVENUE, you thought of the cute and funny things=20
your =94kids=94 had done in the past, you remembered you had your share of=20
SMARTIES and even an ANGEL or two.  You recalled the many great parents=20
you've worked with and even a few who were real LIFESAVERS.  So you shed a=20
few tears, gave a few SNICKERS and went back to teaching.

Now as you look toward the SWEET REWARDS of retirement, I know you're feelin=
g=20
mixed SENSATIONS.  As Bill Nye, the Science Guy says, Consider the Following=
:

You may never again have to go to a meeting at 7:30 in the Morning. I bet=20
that's a cheering thought NOW AND LATER it will be, too. Next September you=20
can wake up whenever you want, you can go out to lunch and feel absolutely=20
CAREFREE.

I don't know what you will be doing in front of the TV set, You may be=20
knitting or crocheting or snuggling up with someone or giving yourself a=20
manicure, but you will have ZERO papers to grade.


May you keep your good memories forever among your SPECIAL TREASURES.  And=20
those that may not be so good...bundle them up with all those catch phrases=20
like Mastery Learning, Assertive Discipline, Effective Schools, Accelerated=20
Schools, Open Schools, Closed Lunch, Multiple Intelligence, Learning Styles,=20
Right-Brain, Anticipatory Set, MMAT, MSIP, Cooperative Learning, Pair-Share,=20
Rubric, and OBE and let them all fade into one little WHATCHAMACALLIT.

Spend a while going on a SPREE...a shopping Spree, a travel Spree, a=20
gardening Spree, a reading Spree, a decorating spree, but keep those PROMISE=
S=20
you made to yourself about what you would do later when you had more time.

We wish we could give you 100 GRAND in honor of your years here at Ingels,=20
but all we can afford are a few COINS.  However, we are going to send you of=
f=20
with lots of HUGS and KISSES and a SYMPHONY of good wishes!!!

Paula Neale, LMS
Ingels Elementary School
Kansas City, MO  64134
816-761-4343
plneale@aol.com

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